I remember last year, at the peak of the pandemic and confusion in many of the countries of the world, the New York Governor’s brother gave a talk whose topic was that Life is all about Pain Management. That time, everything was looking grim and bleak. None knew any answers to what was happening in the world. Some even doubted the science. You could see some world leaders trying to wish away the pandemic without success. They would contradict what their top scientists were advising them. And this would fuel more infections on their people (and consequently more deaths and overwhelming the health facilities). It was painful. Now, how do you manage that pain?

See, if life were a smooth sail, with no challenges whatsoever, we would not have the kind of developments we have. Probably we would be living in the bush. Hunting animals and gathering fruits and vegetables. Probably eating raw food. And dying in numbers like flies. With no medicine to help alleviate pain and prevent mortalities. How would that life be?

We wake up every morning and pray that the day proceeds well. Sometimes this does not happen. We face hurdles, sharp edges and other misfortunes that come from nowhere (or sometimes we be the ones who invite them). We must know how to deal with these, lest life overwhelms us, and we miss the fun of living. Because life is for the living.

Different people react differently to pain.

Some assume it. There were those children in primary school who seemed not to feel the pain from caning. No matter how many strokes of the cane they received from the teachers, they would not flinch, leave alone shed a tear. Man…., I admired those hard cores. Any cane on me would see me shedding tears like a small baby. How would my skin ever tolerate that pain? These guys would just assume the pain and carry on as if nothing happened. Obviously, there were some who would cheat (mostly boys) – by wearing two shorts and ensuring that the inner short was made of a tougher material. In our adult life, we still have some who never seem to mind the pain they are in – constantly smiling no matter what they are facing in the society. This is quite dangerous because the more the pain is assumed, the more it will accumulate and eventually explode hurting not only the person but also those who are near them.

Some seek help. Help from friends, colleagues, professionals, church ministers, elders, or parents. They let their vulnerabilities and fears out and seek for a shoulder to lean (cry) on. While this may be an option to take, some have faced more challenges from being taken advantage of by the very same people they trusted the most. Betrayal. In life, we come to appreciate that while some of our friends (and even family members) are genuinely concerned and willing to help, majority are mere pretenders. Once they realize that you are in a ditch, they pray that you stay down there forever. Some of these may have benefitted from your generosity in the past but in that moment, they forget all that. They will be the same people to go broadcasting your problems to whoever would be available to listen. I am particularly concerned about friends and colleagues who do not fulfil their promises even when you explain to them that you are facing challenges or passing through difficult times.   

Remember a time you were hurt by your friend or colleague. You felt betrayed and maybe that friendship came to an end. Or resentment became the order of the day in your workplace. Why do people behave like this? No shame? No guilt feeling? You just walk around as if nothing happened? Ama ni kujisahaulisha tu? Selective amnesia. I guess we are all cut from different materials then.

Someone comes to you crying and begging that you give them some money lest they be kicked out by the landlord. This is a close friend. You know their family and you can picture their kids in the cold of the night without any shelter over their heads. You remember you are a child of God. You have pity on them. You give some cash – you forego lunch for one month just to help your friend. Twelve months down the line, the friend is yet to repay. They keep on sending you messages that they remember the debt and that they are waiting for some cheque to clear. Or that the cheque had an error and thus they are waiting for it to be corrected by the client. But you can see the person’s lifestyle has changed for the better with time. They are balling every weekend with trips to some destinations you cannot afford. Yet they still would not pay. This is a painful reality which is happening. But since we serve a living God, we leave everything to Him and rest assured that He would revenge on our behalf. By the way be very wary if someone tells you that they have left everything to God – nimekuachia Mungu. You better settle the matter immediately lest your life turns upside down. Because He sees all the tears shed in the dark and will not stand to see His children suffer.

There was once a Mr. Yew* who duped his colleagues. These friends suffered losses running into hundreds of thousands of shillings. Due to his greed and appetite for money, he lost his job occasioned by fraud. When his colleagues requested that they hold a meeting to discuss how he would pay back, he arrogantly told them he would not pay and that they were free to take him wherever they wanted. Mnipeleke mahali mnataka. These victims, who could not pursue the justice system owing to its lengthy process and expensive litigation charges (lawyer fees) had only the option of taking the matter to the Lord in prayer. One year down the line, Mr. Yew bought a bus which was expected to carry passengers from Nairobi to Malaba. On its maiden journey, it was involved in an accident. All passengers survived except him – he died on the spot. We could choose to believe this story and change or continue hurting our friends or colleagues and await our portion of suffering.

At the end of it all, the pain we inflict on others will boomerang back to us one way or the other.