27.01.2017. Friday. Temptation is real this January.

I have been staring at this screen since morning. Every time I get hold of my phone, this is where I end up. The spirit is strong but the body is failing me in this. M-Shwari is the deal here. Get a loan to push you through the weekend. The month-end weekend. With empty wallet(s). But my mind is focused on the 7.5% interest I will pay for what? Some few coins to ensure my wallet has something? And for what? Then again I remember that the fuel tank is almost empty.

Am sure by the time I clock one mile, the indicator light will be flashing on the dashboard, screaming “You idiot, you need to do something here or I will stall on the way and you be forced to run to the nearest gas station carrying a container! Think about it man, and how this will impact on your dignity or lack thereof!” Because a container is not so good a show, especially if you own and drive a ‘machine’ – what will you be telling those who look up to you? Those who want to be like you when they grow up? So now you understand why the staring on that screen is real. No?

Amidst all this, you hold on to hope. See, we live by hope. We always hope for a better future. For better opportunities in the (near) future. For better days ahead. For better weather the next day. Hope keeps us alive. We wake up every single day and sweat ourselves trying to better ourselves, our children. Because we hope that our children should be better than us. Hope. Even the sermon last Sunday was about hope. Even when we are staring at death in the eye, and we know that death will be the victor, we give hope. Because hope is what keeps us on this earth and beyond. We hope to one day reconnect with our friends and relatives who have gone to the other world before us. Because we hope.

And so it was disheartening to watch that feature called ‘Dying Hope’ on TV about the drought situation in the country and how it is not a priority to the government in the present setup. Most of the people have lost hope. There are those who have watched as the drought wiped their wealth clean – they no longer have any livelihood. Their children are hungry and cannot even go to school – no schools either. Sad situation. And you want these fellow Kenyans to wake up in the morning and purpose to attend rallies where voter registration will be discussed amidst threats and side-shows? They are almost losing hope, and that is the last thing you want your fellow human being to do – to give up on life. Because we need to keep hope alive. They need to wake up with the hope that they will face a brighter day, that they will get something to eat, drink and their animals to do the same. Ladies and gentlemen, as we move around this city, let’s not forget those we left at the rural areas. Because one day we will go back to them. Somehow. Let’s also pray that the rains come down soon, to change the direction this drought is taking in our country. A hungry man is an angry man – an angry man is not the best creature you would like to deal with.

By the way am I the only one who sees (and experiences) the year as indicated in the diagram below?

In January the wallet is empty, probably after paying fees, licenses and other obligations. Then cash flow streams start and continue until September. By September, you have probably cleared most of your debts, probably you have secured a better job, which is paying you more and therefore money in the pocket? Or your business is bringing in good money. Or your debtors pay you (because they are also facing the same curve). Then the next few months to December move so fast you realize you don’t have enough time to accomplish a number of activities you had purposed to do within the year. You are very busy trying to fulfill some promises like family holidays, visiting friends and relatives or the trip to Yugoslavia (where do people end up when they plan an overseas trip?). Or upgrading your car, building your house, or starting that farming business you have been planning for the past four years. Most of your friends also schedule their weddings during this period and they are banking on you for support. Not to forget the Christmas holiday festivities. Realize that all these activities need money? Yeah. The September peak is used to bankroll all of these activities and before you come back to your senses its end of December and the wallet is empty again save for the school fees (for the children and relatives) which you conveniently left in the house safe and the keys deposited with your grandmother who lives like thousands of miles from the city.

Am I the only one experiencing this folks? Because that would be weird. But also unique. It would give me a competitive advantage over my ‘enemies’ – those who are always picked by those blue-chip companies no matter how hard I try to sneak my CV into the hands of the HR managers. I would do well in the interviews. When they ask me to describe who I am, I would ask for a blank piece of paper, then get my Swarovski pen from the inside pocket of my bespoke suit coat (what bespoke? Suit from ‘Sir Henrys Inama Decons’) then mesmerize them by drawing that curve and explaining it complete with financial information, ratios and complex formula. Then the HR, whom I suspect would see me as a very intelligent young man would be so amazed, she (most of the HR managers are female) would offer me a cup of tea and give me an appointment letter, spelling huge benefits including membership to their prestigious golf club, company furnished house, company car (3500cc), seven-figure salary, holidays and trips to Yugoslavia among others. Day dreaming. Because I live by hope.

At the end of the day today, and realizing that it will not be pragmatic to use the car (refer to the fuel indicator above), I will grab some coins and the remaining dignity and hop into the next matatu back home.